Gleason Hayworth of TD2 Television has released a strangely entertaining short video in which he manages to malign me while concocting a bizarre theory about David Schoffman. Rafaella Lacroix, the sexiest scholar in academia spars with the scorchingly beautiful travel writer Fascia Heine like a wrestler on a well-oiled mat. Gleason, whose playful touch does lessen the sting a bit, will nonetheless become the object of a bitter and enduring grudge.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Saturday, May 08, 2010
THE DRAWINGS OF MICAH CARPENTIER
On a recent short trip to L'Estartit on the north-eastern coast of Spain I enjoyed one of the most artistically fortuitous events of my life. This wonderful town between the foothills of Montgri massif and the Mediterranean annually celebrates what the guidebooks call La Semana de Coincidencias Raras. Oddly, or perhaps not so oddly, by celebrating coincidence from an epistemological perspective, the week's festivities invariably attract all types of spontaneous and unanticipated episodes in synchronism, parallelism and concurrence.
This former fishing village on the Costa Brava 140 kilometers from Barcelona is not necessarily known for its antiquarian bookshops and yet it was at the southern tip of the Bay of Roses where I found the long out of print catalogue raisonné of the drawings of Micah Carpentier!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
THE EMPYREAN DEBATE
Some call it a dispute. Others refer to it as a chatty dialectic. I see it as an amusing splitting of whiskers. My dear, dear friend David Schoffman has been vapouring in the breath of bickering controversy for nearly ten years - ever since The Body Is His Book: 100 Paintings confined him to the silent seclusion of his secret studio.
And the debate rages on:
Thursday, April 08, 2010
CONTRITION
I was recently interviewed by a young American filmmaker whose name, if I remember correctly was either Miroslav Pruven or Glenn Reuvenni, about my thoughts on my friend David Schoffman. This Pruven or Reuvenni character is a loathsome purveyor of calumnious inaccuracies! His skillfully selective editing thoroughly misrepresents my heartfelt feelings and carefully considered opinions.
In their proper context my comments were harmless, friendly, laudatory taunts, good-natured brickbats and minor quibbles lubricated with wit. In Pruvenni's film one sees only a burning throat of vituperative bromides, a less than slender intelligence, ventilating damp, scornful platitudes with unseemly bitterness.
If you are reading this David .... me pardonner mon frère.
Monday, March 22, 2010
UNRULY OBSESSION WITH MEANINGLESS DETAIL
The work of my dear colleague David Schoffman has been publicly rebuked by yet another member of the exalted art academy. No less an authority than the esteemed scholar, Dr. Chantalle Bograve, best known for her seminal work, Sacred Awe: The Fotzekunst Movement 1920 -1922, has appeared recently on television opining with her usual bluntness.
"Unruly obsession with meaningless detail," is how she summed up Schoffman's recent work. A fair assessment perhaps, but an unkind cut nonetheless. David has been laboring for the past ten years over a series of 100 paintings turgidly titled The Body Is His Book and to concede the points made by Professor Bograve would render Schoffman's life work a hopeless sham.
Monday, March 08, 2010
ENCOMIUM FOR A FORGOTTEN MASTER
El Fresco que se Arremolina, Micah Carpentier 1971
On a recent trip to Cuba, David Schoffman and I paid a courtesy call to Wilgefortis Carpentier, widow of the late painter Micah Carpentier. Over a delicious lunch of churrasco estilo cubano and fufu de plátano Wilgy shared loving reminiscences of her dear departed soul-mate. Laying around her modest apartment on Calle Mercaderes are some of Carpentiers finest paper bags. Señora Carpentier maintains what little remains in Cuba of her husband's work with great devotion and care.
The great revelation of this most recent trip was our discovery of El Fresco que se Arremolina at the Instituto Vocacional Ezra Pound. On the northeast main wall of the student lounge, poorly lit and partially obscured by two sofas and a small magazine rack is a majestic mural painted by Micah Carpentier shortly before he died. Measuring approximately 7 feet by 28 feet, it is an impressive performance of painterly bravura by a man, addled at the time by arthritis and mental illness.
At this writing, a team of researchers, curators and restorers are busy arranging for the work's transfer to Havana's Museo del Arte Agradable. It goes without saying that Wilgefortis Carpentier receives no compensation for anything of her husband's work that generates any income.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
CLOAKED IN CIRCUMSTANCE
The oddities of human nature can be uncomfortably observed in the conduct of my dear friend David Schoffman. He is both a gregarious social animal and a detached, withdrawn hermit crab-like recluse. His imprint is at times as silent as a scout. Other times his grassy tongue insinuates itself with unmodulated bluster. He is the classic flaneur and as chaste as a cleric. He has a persistent longing for the luster of artistic immortality as well as an unhealthy penchant for needless self-abnegation.
In short, he is an eccentric.
While he broods within the warm breast of his poorly lit studio he regularly formulates groundless surmises about the future of art. He is the author of countless unpublished treatises and manifestos portending our cultural pratfalls, delivery from which only he can provide.
He is the subject of an upcoming film by Pepo Cendrars whose last effort was a blood libel of inaccuracies about me and my career. I doubt David will fare better in the hands of this invidious documentarian.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The lion's jaw of unearned acclaim has foiled far finer souls than my dear friend David Schoffman. His well-known triptych I Prefer The Pagans was recently exhibited at Chichikov West as part of a group exhibition spuriously aligned around the theme of "Belief".
In tandem with the exhibition, a panel discussion, moderated by art historian Manon Ovidier took place at the gallery. Together with Schoffman the panel included artists Dahlia Danton, Felix Tillage and Vanessa Trefortunat. Each were pressed by a mosaic of knotty questions and though they handled themselves with professional aplomb, no one composed any memorable arias.
Until the very end ....
Spines were collectively tensed when the scraping sound of a young man's voice claimed the attention of the restless audience. "Mr. Schoffman," he began, "why do all your pictures seem so featherless? Why do they consistently promise prophecy or revelation but deliver only the dazzling effects of painterly accomplishment? Is it an intellectual idleness, a poverty of concept or merely the wages of your many years of groundless esteem and unjustified renown?"
Tillage, Trefortunat, Danton and even Ovidier could scarcely conceal their purgative snickers.
Monday, February 08, 2010
THE DUSTING OF EARLY ACCLAIM

While still in the wilderness of his awkward apprenticeship David Schoffman hatched an unorthodox plan. He was living in a tiny tenement on New York's lower east side and was scraping together a graceless living delivering wedding cakes for Manhattan's famous Patisserie de Cheval.
On a fateful spring morning, David was balancing a traditional two-tier white chocolate confection on the back of his bicycle on his way to Gramercy Park. White lillies and Singapore orchids fluttered gently in the breeze as he carefully wove his way around the rush hour traffic. The idea hit him like the burnt fury of an augurous premonition.
Wedding cake ornaments are either nauseatingly kitschy or sentimentally floral with little in between. Why not design more memorable baubles using the skills he so expensively acquired in art school?
That's how Undecked Decorations started. "Classically nude cake toppers tastefully rendered with unbridled finesse", was how he put it in his brochure. It was an instant success and was even the subject of a cover story in City Citizen magazine.
He eventually sold the business in order to devote all his time to painting but not before branching out into hood ornaments, sport trophies and porcelain figurines and changing the company's name to Idolatries Plus.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
PREPARATORY SKETCH
So wrote the late Burbery Slater in Amaryllis: Painting's Secret Sequence (2004), his encyclopedic art historical tour-de-force. His thesis can be summed up as follows:
Painters have always suffered a particular infirmity of the mind. From the blind fury of inspired impulse to the mortal calculation of careful forethought, the honeyed Muse visits artists in a variety of forms. Painters possess the unique ability to recognize what he calls "the eupnea of solemn arousal" enabling them to assume the prophetic diction of color and form.
It's a sappy theory to say the least and it's a disservice to my friend David Schoffman that he used two reproductions of his work to illustrate his idiotic argument.
Slater mentions no less than 200 contemporary painters to summon his false surmise. I am pleased that I am not among them.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
To this day David Schoffman is devoted to the memory of Micah Carpentier. David's obdurate and earnest fidelity to Carpentier's legacy has become, of late, something of a fetish. When he died, Carpentier was working on "The Song of Degrees", a series of drawings scrawled in a tempest of perverse fanaticism on discarded paper bags. His goal was to complete 1000 bags and he scavenged the streets of his native Havana in search of the perfect refuse. From Miramar to Vedado, no dumpster was left unexamined.
Currado Malaspina's short film on the subject is a classic and those interested in a deeper understanding of Carpentier's life and times can view it on YouTube
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
David Schoffman's alarming essay, "Machines That Speed Too Slow," published in 1992 in Olympus Quarterly is as appurtenant now as it was prescient then. Triggered by the appointment of Jerry Embudo as director of CCMA, Schoffman's infamous jeremiad is now required reading in most graduate programs in Museum Studies.
Embudo, as many people in the art world remember, was a veteran commercial art dealer and notorious kingmaker. Sterns/Embuto in its heyday represented the likes of Caeiro, de Campos, Carpentier and Danton. The idea that the cultural and pedagogic mandate of a major art museum was handed over to a merchant was highly controversial, to say the least. Schoffman scathingly exposed this brazen betrayal of principles in a 3000 word screed of such vitriolic eloquence that even the barons of the agora (those, of course who could read without moving their lips) were moved.
Some saw Schoffman's catalog of grievances as a naive tilt toward the windmills of wishful thinking. They took particular pleasure in believing that the publication precipitated the ruin of his robust career. Others, by contrast, saw it as a courageous cri de coeur that catapulted a critically acclaimed painter into a wealthy one.
I remember thinking that it was just another self-serving pageant of David's pharmacopia of adjectives coaxing some trivial succès de scandale into personal gain.
Friday, December 11, 2009

When his cage is rattled by the rabble of public scrutiny, David Schoffman has a tendency to recoil. When the critical sparrows peck at the fine edifice of his various fictions, he bristles. To say that Schoffman's skin is translucent is to generously endow it with additional tuft. Ever since our first encounter some thirty years ago, David's ego was as delicate as well water.
Now, with the opening of his wildly uneven mid-career retrospective, David's pale protective dermis is in tatters. Pepo Cendrars, writing in Cinéma et Culture called the sum of Schoffman's work "les idées majeures dans les clefs mineures." The typically sympathetic Manon Ovidier described his drawings as "le chat griffe maculé dans l'encre." And these were among the less calumniatory reviews.
David is now on vacation, which is to say he is in hiding. He has declined all requests for interviews or public appearances. I for one have abstained from this feeding frenzy. Considering his modest talents, David Schoffman has done fairly well.
Monday, November 02, 2009
During his Paris years, David Schoffman was warmly welcomed by the reigning cadre of mid-level French intellectuals of the time. It was the early 1980's and among that crowd the gales of sycophantic bootlicking were matched only by the gusts of venomous backstabbing. In the literary journals, vacuous screeds refused to subside and in the art magazines the senseless reams of verbiage would rarely peter. Frank and moderate discussion was considered weak, detestable and above all, boring.
Schoffman fit right in.
In his very first essay published in France, David provoked a mild monsoon when he suggested that Guillaume Fovea's close reading of Dutronc's Trompette Trichée as an allegory of incest was "aussi plausible que le Père Noël." He was forgiven as "le jeune Américain espiègle et méchant." A few months later people were a bit less lenient when he publicly accused Lefevre of plagiarism.
The honeymoon came to a definitive end when he had his first one-person exhibition at Deronda- Ouest. Showing his large scale charcoal studies for Rattling Traffic, (the well-known series of paintings exhibited many years later in Rome and Los Angeles), the critical response was universally pernicious. The settling of old scores has always been a blood sport in the Parisian art press but the level of vitriol in the now famous cas de Schoffman drove David into the depths of an infathomable despair.
Some say he is yet to fully emerge from the vapors of his melancholy.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
THE BELLS AND DUST OF UNDERACHIEVEMENT
What follows are two incompatible yet highly plausible stories regarding my comrade and competitor David Schoffman. That I have great affection for this imperfect man should be of little consequence.
The first story is about how Schoffman, after unexpectedly winning the 2009 Zacharias R.Koenig Short Book Award, was emboldened to make a short film. He subsequently entered that film in the Omphalos of Unreason Film Festival where he was awarded the Silver Medal. What struck Alou N'batwa, one of the principal jurors of the competition, was how he was able to "spankingly reanimate the surrealist idiom without the musty opulence of 'un mouvement recherché.'"
The second story is about how Schoffman mockingly turns language into a puppet show of contempt. To call The Broken Mandolin bad poetry is to dishonor the entire category of Bad Poetry. His short film, with its faint echoes of Moravagine's 1929 silent feature Z.Z. is a blathering tangle of supercilious aposiopesis'. Will the floodtide of Schoffman's ineptitude ever reach its crest?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Every summer, David Schoffman partially puts down his paintbrushes and spends two months tending the acreage of his sumptuous vineyard in Martignas-sur-Jalle. I love it when he’s in France. Nobody butchers the French language with greater comic ignorance than my good friend David. (Or as he put it the other day while futilely attempting to rent a bicycle: “je casse mes dents avec cette espace de merde.”).
The terroir in Martignas-sur-Jalle allows David’s grapes to remain on the vine till they are fully ripened. If a phylloxera epidemic can be averted, David has time each year to do some drawing in his rustic little studio. Last year he completed a series of over a hundred small watercolors illustrating scenes from Paradise Lost. This year, inspired by the biblical story of Levite’s Concubine, David, using his ouvriers agricoles as models, made a stunning suite of wash drawings entitled Sinners & Street Prophets.
Last year’s vintage lacked a certain structure. Blackberry and burnt hazelnut vied cloyingly on the palate. An unbalanced acidity didn’t help either. But the drawings, as usual, were ripe, robust and unquestionably mis sur le chevalet au château.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
PERISHED BY HIS PRIDE

In a recent shoot for the Canadian Magazine Cloud/Cover, award winning photographer Michelle Denton Ross, best known for her work chronicling the Phoenician Diaspora and the Thule of Nanavut, captured a side of David Schoffman rarely seen by the public.
Typically, Schoffman shuns the ephemera of his inconsequential rank. He appraises the marrow of his worth by a private barometer, an august audit of achievement measured against the distant and unapproachable Great Masters. Ross captured a man in an imperial panic. Note the mournfully mistrustful eyes, the impiety of his uneven grimace, the subtle venality of his chin, weakened by resentments and unfulfilled vendettas. Something is broken in that man, possessed as he is by silent tantrums, grudges and indignation. There is an artless ignobility closing in like a noontide, around his thin corrugated skin. The air around him is perfumed with the fetid ineluctability of his obsolescence. His head is swimming with the certainty of his decay and he is coming apart.
I congratulate Ms. Ross on her prescient and penetrating psychological portrait of this notoriously opaque man.
Monday, July 13, 2009
APOLOGISTS
Few people recognize the moral universe represented in the works of my good friend David Schoffman. His wide circle of friends include a fair number of well-known poets, including Damian July, Malo Flannigan, Darine Joković and Hakan Silverman. He seems to have found in them some real sympathy.
The poets understand Schoffman’s infantile effulgence, his willful and cupiditous obscurity and even his anguished, taciturn and far from ennobling resentments. They see in his work a mocking abdication of high-mindedness. They understand how the languorous luminosity of his pictures act as clumsy surrogates for seriousness. With fawning forgetfulness they blink at his vaporous deceptions and his unctuous equivocations.
In her introductory essay to the catalog Postcards from Charybdis: David Schoffman and Gouache, Lelli Kabiri, (whose own work is a spit-gob of hyperbole and cant), tells of her first encounter with Schoffman some 25 years ago.
He had the voice of a dead man. His soft, dewy breath whispered like a fading melody. He was more liquid than solid, more courtly, more kingly and as elegantly self-assured as Death itself. My loud heart knuckled under his loathsome silence. He was an artist of the first order, mute, impertinent, careless and invincible. A Mayakovsky with crayons.
Feh!
Few people recognize the moral universe represented in the works of my good friend David Schoffman. His wide circle of friends include a fair number of well-known poets, including Damian July, Malo Flannigan, Darine Joković and Hakan Silverman. He seems to have found in them some real sympathy.
The poets understand Schoffman’s infantile effulgence, his willful and cupiditous obscurity and even his anguished, taciturn and far from ennobling resentments. They see in his work a mocking abdication of high-mindedness. They understand how the languorous luminosity of his pictures act as clumsy surrogates for seriousness. With fawning forgetfulness they blink at his vaporous deceptions and his unctuous equivocations.
In her introductory essay to the catalog Postcards from Charybdis: David Schoffman and Gouache, Lelli Kabiri, (whose own work is a spit-gob of hyperbole and cant), tells of her first encounter with Schoffman some 25 years ago.
He had the voice of a dead man. His soft, dewy breath whispered like a fading melody. He was more liquid than solid, more courtly, more kingly and as elegantly self-assured as Death itself. My loud heart knuckled under his loathsome silence. He was an artist of the first order, mute, impertinent, careless and invincible. A Mayakovsky with crayons.
Feh!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
IMMORTALITY
Clumsy and disheveled, to see David Schoffman at work in his studio is to witness a stately scrimmage of a man struggling against the first principles of his nature. His meticulously crafted paintings are created in an unholy atmosphere of chaos and disarray. Costumed as a serf in tattered trousers and yellowed t-shirts stained with the vague remnants of sauces and solvents he brutishly tends to the alchemy paint with an infatuated frenzy.
Two years ago, (on one of my regular visits to Los Angeles to meet with my American publisher), I visited Schoffman and photographed a panel he had started that day. Last month, I returned to find him polishing the same piece into an anti- climax of completion. Clutching a cup of lukewarm coffee he sadly studied the finished painting, shook his head and hissed his disapproval.
I quickly snapped a picture.
Juxtaposed above are two states - from beginning to end – of one of the projected 100 paintings of “The Body Is His Book”.
At this rate, he will finish his project at the age of 160. Bonne chance mon vieux!
Monday, June 08, 2009
MOSES NEVER ENTERED THE PROMISED LAND

No one ever accused David Schoffman of possessing any undo discretion. To call him edgy would be to discredit whatever precipice is suggested by this hackneyed designation. His is not a world of academic transgression, commodified misbehavior or aesthetic misdemeanor safely enacted under the jaundiced jurisdiction of critical analysis.
David Schoffman is the unimpeachably uncompliant artistic insurgent, the proud solitary, scrupulously authentic subversive whose place in the artworld is as galling as it is secure.
I was reminded of this on my recent visit to his Los Angeles studio where the pains of unidle drudgery are evident in his obsessive refinement of his 100 Paintings series. What he is doing has simply never been done before. Not even Tintoretto’s San Rocco paintings reach Schoffman’s level of manic indifference to moderation.
A 100 paneled polyptych! What a stunt!
My competitive nature is tranquilized by the soothing confidence that he will never finish!
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