EATING ONE'S OWN POISON

For all his worldly success, my good friend David Schoffman is a walking parody of propitious intent.

He feigns the proper bearings of rectitude but when the curtain is drawn he's as phony as the day is long.

I saw evidence of this recently when David was here making the final adjustments for a small scale sculptural installation at L'Institut des Mensonges. We were at dinner at Le Timbre with a couple belles mannequins Suedoise that my dealer, Patric Gouleaux brought along to gin up the evening and it was amazing to see this American blowhard in action.

"How do you manage to do it all?" asked Signe (or was it Moa ... I couldn't really tell them apart). "Between your paintings, your installations, your writing, your triathlon training, your teaching, your bicycle racing, your bluegrass band, your Vipassana meditation retreats, your reality TV role, your children, your wife ... how do you manage to fit it all in!?" 

Knowing the less polished Schoffman, I too was wondering how he was able to fit in so much foutaise de cochon before we even finished our amuse-bouches.

He said it was fairly simple, that ever since his King Charles Spaniel Rocco died he came to the realization that life was ridiculously short. He cited how Seneca practiced daily for his own demise and that to live life to the fullest one must "seize the day!"

I have to hand it to the guy. I've never met anyone more capable of treading the dewy moss of cliché more convincingly than David. Unless he met his match in flagrant insincerity I would say he had our two young Swedes unctuously nibbling at his toes like cockatiels.

One need only read the tabloids to learn that David is an indifferent teacher, an indolent athlete, a spiritual cynic, an absentee parent and a philandering spouse.

 With David, it's all about priorities and like most inveterate narcissists his chief and predominant priority is himself. 

But it's all about packaging and the wholesome image David has managed to curate for himself seems to work well in puritanical California.

Much to his disappointment, it works well in Scandinavia too.