Lovable and witty, my good friend David Schoffman is a world-class neurotic. Spend any amount of time with him and you'll hear a cross-current of competing theories on how to avoid illness.
His latest scourge is the cell-phone which he insists is the cause of the recent rise in autism and childhood diabetes.
Next on his list is gluten, though I don't think we have any of that here in France.
He won't vaccinate his kids because he thinks it will hurt their reading scores and he never lets them near a computer for fear the EMF emissions will radiate their eyeballs.
He still paints in oils but won't use cadmiums, which is good news because he was always a better colorist than me and instead of turpentine he uses resins derived naturally from the roots of Japanese ginko trees which he grows himself in his hydroponic garden.
His nuttiest nemesis is the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power. According to David, the ubiquity of power lines cross-hatching the sprawling city like slackened rope, pose the imminent threat of excess exposure to dangerous Radio Frequency fallout. This in turn can result in Alzhiemer's, miscarrisges and irritable bowel disorder and Schoffman is not about to take any chances.
He's thinking of moving to the desert to a place called Twentynine Palms.
I'm not sure if he knows yet about the Leo Durocher Nuclear Waste Repository that's 25 miles away.
1 comment:
Twentynine Palms is also the site of regular overflights by assault aircraft training at the Marine Corp airfield about 10 miles away.
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